


Hear Me In The Silence

by ForeverDoesntExist



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, M/M, Not a poem!, Trying new writing style, different style
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-18
Updated: 2018-10-18
Packaged: 2019-08-04 03:08:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,936
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16338674
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ForeverDoesntExist/pseuds/ForeverDoesntExist
Summary: You said it was time. I said not yet.





	Hear Me In The Silence

**Author's Note:**

> A different style this time. Not a poem because I can't write poems to save my life :P  
> Still a normal story. Don't forget the italics are dialogue this time :)  
> It's still understandable I hope :) anyways tell me your thoughts in the comments pretty please!:)))))  
> xoxo

Russia reminds me of home.

When in winter you could say it was very similar.

I feel the cold, but I look at you and your smile is warmer than the sun.

That's right, you are here.

I could touch you if I wanted to.

The podium looks so high. I'm afraid to fall.

You wait patiently and with a hand on my waist, you make sure I land on my feet.

More pictures.

My nerves are taking over for a few moments, yet you know a way to make them go away.

We laugh at our silly exchange.

My sides ache from your merciless fingers.

 _Do you want me to leave you alone?_ You say teasingly.

I say _never._

Yet the camera shutters and the crowd deafening shouts swallow my words.

You stop.

_Javier?_

You smile and pose.

 

_**You didn't hear me.** _

 

-

 

I did it.

I won gold. For how long have I dreamed of this?

Everyone cheers, everyone says it was well deserved.

Yet the podium feels lonely.

I look right then left.

Where are you?

Brian, Tracy...ah.

There you are.

Didn't you say you would go home? Are you here because of me?

Is it painful? I hope not

It's over, time to go home and rest our tired bodies.

_Hi._

_Hello._

_Are you okay?_

_I'm fine, how about you? Olympic Champion?_

_I'm sorry._

_Don't be, you deserved it._

_You deserved it too. I missed you by my side. Don't leave me again._

The reporters close in on us and I must go. I look at you.

You are already talking to Brian about your mistakes and future improvements.

 

**_You didn't hear me._ **

 

-

 

I have no energy left.

I have nothing left to give.

Yet I manage to get to the top.

I look at the scores, you are there with me. 

I start breathing again.

Bronze for the second time. You hate it.

And for a moment I hate it too.

_Congratulations._

_Thank you._

One more photo. This time only the two of us.

You hold my waist. Your arm belongs there.

_Let's always be together like this?_

You don't answer.

They need another photo with Machida.

I laugh at myself. You smile at me as if searching my eyes for any joke you missed.

_What?_

 

**_You didn't hear me._ **

 

-

 

Everything hurts.

I can barely climb to my place in the podium.

I just need this day to end.

My body is failing me. Yet I need to endure.

You are not here.

Nobody is going to catch me if I fall.

Your strong arms won't help me get down.

I need you here.

Are you watching? Did I scare you?

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to.

I look down. My bandage won't hold up for much longer.

Neither will my consciousness.

A tear falls down my face.

People gasp.

He must be in pain. Such a brave young man.

I whisper your name.

I raise my head. I'm still alone.

 

**_You didn't hear me._ **

 

-

 

The crowd roared around me.

Another perfect skate.

This is your home, yet I own the crowd.

You held me and told me I did well.

_I liked your program._

_I liked yours too._

We take our places. The people clap.

You deserve more. I ask them to do better.

It works. You smile.

You look at me and get too distracted.

You are holding the medal to the wrong side.

I laugh.

Silly Javi.

_Show me your country's secrets?_

_Of course, I'll tell you what you should see._

_But I want you to take me there._

Your family runs to us to congratulate you.

I feel invisible.

I don't belong here.

 

**_You didn't hear me_ **

 

-

 

You won. I lost my crown.

I'm crushed. I'm sad.

But it's my fault. Never yours.

So call me mad. But I'm happy.

I fall into your arms, you hold me tight.

_Don't cry._

_I'm not._

Brian looks at us and smiles. Is that pity in his eyes?

You hold my face between your warm hands. It makes me cry harder.

We hug again. How long has it been?

_I'm the champion this time, but in my heart, you will always be the champion._

_What does that mean?_

_It's time to go_. Brian rushes us into the rink once again. We have to get our medals.

You look at me.

 _Are you coming?_ You offer your hand to me.

I look around, everyone is waiting.

I take it.

 

**_You didn't hear me._ **

 

-

 

You are home again.

This time I have a dear friend with me.

Time seems to go by faster. My mind seems occupied.

Anything to fill in the void.

It was an amazing competition.

I get my scores. A new world record.

I defeated you once again. Will you hate me?

I cry into my hands. I got gold.

But when will you get enough? When will our rivalry stray to pure hate?

This is your people. They cheer. They are loyal.

The interview ends. You are waiting for me.

Somehow I knew you would be.

With your arms around me, I breathe deeply. You still care.

_You're still here._

The crowd screams at our display of affection. The Spanish crowd had always been very supportive of our close relationship.

That makes me think of a future.

Sunny skies and endless summer.

_Yuzuru?_

_Yes?_

_Everything okay?_

I nod.

_You think we could be happy here?_

_What was that?_

You reach down and brush your cheek on mine, your ear close to my lips.

I can't say it again.

I look behind you, Sara is coming for you. For sure.

I push you back to our previous positions. Your arms already leaving my body and the cold settles in.

_I said congratulations on the silver._

You look disappointed, but nod nonetheless.

_Thank you._

 

**_You didn't hear me._ **

 

-

 

Once again you are at the top.

For two consecutive years, you defended your title.

I'm proud of you.

And for a while, I can disguise my disappointment.

As I look at you, your radiant smile in place, I can't be mad at you for stealing my chance to be in the spotlight once again.

You have done so much for your country.

This sport would have nothing without you.

Just like I wouldn't.

We end our photo session.

From behind the boards, I can see some known faces calling your name.

Is that Laura?

It's been years since I last saw her. Your mother. Your father.

Their pride cannot be ignored by anyone.

They all want to take a picture with you.

I stand a few feet away. This is something that should be shared by family.

I'm just your friend. Your rival. Our coaches join you.

But I still refuse to take part in it.

Everyone calls me and tells me to join you.

I say no.

You say get in here.

I let go of my resolve and join you by the barriers.

I smile. I allow myself to think if this could have been us on a normal family day.

Your family.

My family.

You should meet my family too.

 _You skated beautifully Yuzuru_. Your mother says to me.

_Thank you._

I turn to you this time. I'm feeling brave today.

_Do you think I looked beautiful too, Javi?_

_Your grandparents are waiting for you Javi. They made your favorite food._ Your family calls for you again.

I don't need to check this time.

You pat my cheek and with an open smile, you say.

_Goodbye, Yuzu._

 

**_You didn't hear me._ **

 

-

 

I won it back.

I can't describe what I feel.

I want to shout to the world.

_I did it._

But not you.

You were there for me each time. You wiped my tears and kissed my head in consolation.

I must find you.

There you are. A big bouquet of flowers in your hand, Tracy and Brian behind you.

Still proud of you, even though you didn't get a medal.

I pull you into my arms this time.

Everyone is watching. I don't care.

_You were amazing._

_It's okay._

I'm the one that's supposed to cheer you up, yet you cup my face and tell me it's okay over and over again.

I hold you again. To make up for the hug we won't be sharing later when the time comes.

_The kids deserved it this time._

_I'm sure they did._

I pat your back.

_I will be okay._

_But maybe I won't._

_Yuzuru!_

My oldest friend and the Chinese bronze medalist ran towards me, a million questions about podium etiquette on the way for sure.

This was not any podium.

You hold my hand.

_I told you, you would win it back. I always believed in you._

Our coaches are next in line, patiently waiting for a chance to congratulate me.

I need to try, even if I fail.

_Can we talk after the ceremony?_

I turn around. You're no longer there.

I hug Brian. Then Tracy.

She knows everything. After so many years her keen sense had figured everything out.

She was the only one that helped keep my despair at bay sometimes.

_It's going to be okay._

_I'm not sure it will._

As tears fall on her shoulder, I realize.

 

**_You didn't hear me_ **

 

-

 

I break a record. Yet you win the gold.

It's not even a serious competition. But it hurts.

I did my best. But it wasn't enough.

 _Are you getting used to second best?_ You joke.

_I'm still going to beat your ass in February._

_Keep dreaming._

We get to our places.

There is no flag. I point at the fans.

You laugh.

I know your anthem by heart. They messed it up, didn't they?

Maybe it's the right time. We have dragged this for far too long.

_I need to tell you something._

_I need to go._

_What do you mean?_

_Spain._

_Why now?_

_There are still some things that need to be dealt with._

_And you need to go to Spain._

_Yes. Some things cannot be dealt with by a simple phone call or message, Yuzu._

_I see. Tell her I said hi._

_I will. Wait for me?_

_I'm not going anywhere, I'll see you on the next podium._

 

_**You didn't hear me.** _

 

_-_

 

You held us both in your arms. I couldn't hold the tears from falling.

This can't be happening. Things are not supposed to end like this.

I need more time. God. Someone.

Please give me more time.

You told us goodbye. I said don't go.

You said it was time. I said not yet.

You said this was the last time. I held onto your shirt until I nearly broke my fingers.

I said don't leave me. I can't do this without you.

Cameras and flashes go off around us. I don't care.

I never did. You just assumed and never asked me.

You try to wipe my tears in vain. They fall and I can't stop them.

I want to scream. But will someone hear me?

 _Listen to me Yuzuru._ You command.

I can't help but raise my head and look at your eyes. My vision blurry.

You let go of our younger friend, and with both hand you reach my face, bringing our foreheads together.

It hurts, but I listen to you nonetheless.

_A long time ago, you said that you didn't want me to leave you alone._

I did?

_Well, after today, I have no intention of doing so, Yuzuru._

Realization hits me harder than any of the painful impacts on the cold ice, that day.

You heard me.

 

**_You always did._ **

 

 


End file.
